My Libration Notes
I ask myself what I want to be liberated from. Maybe everything, maybe I don’t know.
As if I’m writing this, the neighbor is in his usual quarrel with his sister and mother. Shouting, slamming doors, and not caring that he is causing a scene that becomes a display in the whole quarter of the neighborhood.
His impulses have no specific timing. Sometimes he lost it in the early morning in the broad light of the day or even late at night.
He was nonapologetic even once for his downer attitude.
For you who are reading this, it may sound like I am badmouthing my neighbor, but my only concern in telling you this is that we all have that “neighbor” inside us.
We are undeniably all alike under the surface. The only difference is that some of us master taming that beast inside of them. Others give to their temper from time to time. We all bend back and forth with our intense emotions.
Again, the irritated neighbor shouted, “C’EST PAS NORMAL!!!”
I wonder when there was such a thin line between what is normal and what is not. Even madness can be normal if you look with an open spirit..
Thus, why did one's self suddenly drift toward art and humanities in my 20s?! art was created to make us feel less burdened by what society defined to be conventional? I’m not sure if I am reading too much into what a furious neighbor may say, or he is just spouting nonsense, you tell me?!
ID, EGO, SUPER-EGO (Instincts, Reality, Morality):
Indeed, this psyche concept was first brought by Freud, but I’m gonna crack it from my perspective. Little I want to shed light on when we were first born. Born. We were purely slaves to our instincts. Even later on, we develop that sense of dignity. We pick up from the environment surrounding us and measure what is reasonable or not based on what our parents teach us.
*Sarah sight in silence. She came up a long way to have this sort of realization.*
In other meaning, we are no longer a whole, and we all fall trapped by the social norms. Our instincts are still within us, “libido driven” or “survival driven.” Once we give to those impulses, they quickly manifest on the surface unless you kill them or numb them away.
In the compilation of “My Librations Notes,” why maybe anyone of us doesn’t feel liberated in this digital materialized world daily?!
Cause being transparent is a heavy thing to do nowadays. We whisk it away the moment it’s on the verge of slipping from our fingers. We would rather prefer to be shot with a gun rather than being vulnerable in front of others.
Solid shells are built around us.
We don’t dare to crack them even in the face of our loved ones. It’s what we can call our subconscious defense mechanism whenever our undying ego tries to mimic the social etiquette and values, aka the norms.
However, things are feasibly complicated for those who wear a tacky jacket of perfectionism and give in to their “inner voice” that always pushes them to be their higher selves. I’m them. I first thought this was the only hope for me to do great in life, but by that time, I had ceased and crumbled to pieces.
“My body, my brain, it’s all too burned out to move an inch, to have a secondhand thought. ,” I wanted to be liberated from this hell I am living in.
Yes, that’s what I wanted. Why it’s hard to admit it?!
Still, I want MORE. My greed only seems to grow, wanting more things once I’m done with hitting that milestone. Guess I should blame it on humane nature?! or look around and be grateful for where I am now, Cherise all the things I have become. Because once upon a time, I was dying to be where I am now.
“I will not pretend to be happy. I will not pretend to be unhappy. I will be honest.” — The Liberation Club.
Disclaim :
You should know the K-Drama show heavily under the same title inspired “my work. Since this is not a review but my take on “MY LIBRATION NOTES.” I will not dwell on the show’s unconventionality, how the characters are not made to be likable or how it makes one reflect upon their reality instead of a getaway you would usually expect from a K-Drama. I am not going to mention how I witnessed to most ICONIC scene in K-Drama history, where Yeom Mi-Jeong, our storyteller, is an introvert that barely talks only of important things, a woman who is annoyed by people at any sight. She had the guts to tell her love interest out of the blue when she had never had a proper conversation with her until that moment with no hesitation:
“WORSHIP ME.”
However, I promised I would not do any of that. Yet, I couldn’t hold myself back, and here I guess you can see where I am coming from and why the work you are reading right now was born.
Last, I guess my liberation is yet to be found. Well, I am afraid you will not get the answer today. See you in PART 2 of my libration notes until we meet again,
Dear reader,
I hope you somehow find a libration within these lines, even for a fleeting moment.
